Moving from Victimhood to Active Participation

Ecuador. Photo: Andres

As I walk through the world and observe the other humans around me, each one of them playing their own games and making their own decisions, I am often struck by the fact that so many people embrace a victimhood mentality in their lives. Many people view themselves as helpless victims of their circumstances, without any agency to create a positive change. Whether they don't think they have enough time to go outside, or they blame their jobs for their inability to prioritize their most important values, or they don't think that their bodies are capable, or that they for some other reason can't manage to muster the motivation to overcome their physical stagnation, many people paint themselves as helpless victims, unable to make a change.

I recently read a compelling interview with James Hollis, who was a psychoanalyst working with patients who had terminal diseases. At the time of the interview, he himself was in his early 80s—he passed away on March 18th, 2023. He was both professionally and personally intimately familiar with the relentless approach of death and the inevitability of facing the void, and even in that context, he had this to say about victimhood:

"Part of my work is about helping people recognize that they're equipped by nature or divinity, whichever metaphor you prefer, with the essential resilience, the capacity to take on life, even if it feels intimidating at times. And even if it feels beyond your powers, we always have a task in every situation. And that task is essentially working out, What is it that moves me from a sense of victimhood to a sense of active participation in what's happening in my life?" (emphasis added)

James often worked with patients who had just months or even weeks left to live. In most of these cases, these diseases were largely or even entirely outside of the patient's control. There is, by definition, no truer example of victimhood than to be struck with a terminal illness and then confronted with the imminent approach of the void. Even in these most hopeless of moments, the most critical question that James addressed with his patients was about how to create a sense of active participation in what was happening in their lives.

While yes, we might be facing incredible hardships in our lives today, it's unlikely that we're staring down death's door in the next few weeks. And yet, how often do we all feel a sense of victimhood in our lives? How often do we feel like we are simply being flung around like a giant deity's ragged doll—the plaything of an infantile deity who seems hell-bent on ripping off our metaphorical arms and fucking up our lives?

Ways Victimhood Manifests for Outside 365

While at the time I wouldn't have been able to frame it in quite so eloquent of terms, this victimhood mentality is the core problem that launched my Outside 365 experiment. Back in 2016, I felt like a victim of the many injuries, subsequent surgeries, and cascading physical complications that made it painful or impossible to get outside (or so I thought). I felt like a victim to the time pressures of work and social life. I felt like a victim to the thousand other excuses that we all employ every single day that stop us from creating our ideal lives right now.

I've also had readers write in recently, relaying other examples of the victimhood mentality that afflicts people who might want to embark on the Outside 365 journey. Most notably, one reader wrote, "The obesity epidemic (30% of North Americans are clinically obese) means many people find exercise difficult and very painful - not enjoyable. For many, the pain outweighs the gain well before benefits of being active are seen and felt. Thus, the idea of actually going outside to move (painfully) in the rain, wind, heat is a road too far: impossible to consider." (Note: According to the CDC, the rate of obesity in the United States is even higher—42%.)

All of these reasons—and more—might feel like valid reasons to give up in the moment. But even when we feel like giving up, we need to ask ourselves James' question: "What is it that moves me from a sense of victimhood to a sense of active participation in what's happening in my life?"

Taking Responsibility for Our Lives

Ecuador. Photo: Andres

In order to move from victimhood to active participation, we need to take responsibility for our lives. As Mark Manson points out, taking responsibility for our lives doesn't mean that the bad things that have happened to us are necessarily our fault. In fact, taking the example of many of James' patients, it's apparent that nobody is at fault for the shitty things that are happening.

However, even if something isn't our fault, it doesn't mean that we're off the hook to deal with it. No. We are still responsible for every single thing that we do in this life. We're responsible for how we respond to the shitty situations that befall us. We're responsible for the choices that we make and the games that we choose to play.

As Mark Manson writes, "there is a realization from which all potential personal growth emerges. This is the realization that you are responsible for everything you do in your life, no matter the external circumstances." He then goes on to say, "responsibility allows us to leverage our pain for empowerment, to transmute our suffering into strength, our loss into opportunity."

When I felt a sense of victimhood from my constant state of being injured, I eventually decided that I had to take daily responsibility for my life by prioritizing my most important value: being active outside. At the time, it was far from easy, and I failed more times than I care to remember. I took me years of trying before I finally achieved a continuous 365-day streak.

Even though we may very well fail before we succeed, these so-called "failures" along the way aren't an excuse to simply give up. Instead, we must realize that anything worth doing in life is worth struggling for, is worth failing at before we finally achieve it. Anything worth doing is difficult. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it.

This one simple action of covering at least one human-powered mile per day is a small way to take responsibility in our lives—to move from victimhood to active participation. By refusing to embody victimhood as a defining characteristic and instead taking control of our choices, our bodies, and our schedules, we then engrain this habit through constant practice. We can build the muscle of taking responsibility and actively participating in our lives.

Outside 365 is just the beginning of this journey of moving from victimhood to active participation.